When Roy Howard visited Japan more than fifty years ago, he interviewed the emperor, called the end of World War I a few days early and was "out-geisha'd" his first night on the island.
The same thing happened to us tonight. We illustrious scholars have literally been following in his footsteps, globetrotting to the same destinations on the same dates as the newspaper tycoon did in 1956. We visited the Imperial Palace this morning after three days in Kobe, Kyoto and Osaka, just as Howard did on his maiden voyage to the Far East.
To further honor Howard's remarkable legacy, we stopped by the hole-in-the-wall "Be Full Part II" bar in Tokyo's vibrant Shibuya district to create our own geisha-esque night. The drinks? Super expensive. The karaoke? Same.
Our hostess? A tranny.
We stumbled in, lured by the row of drunken salarymen and smiling she-he's. To be fair, only one bartender was a confirmed transvestite, but we had doubts about the rest.
S/he, pictured with us above, handed us a Japanese menu that we promptly ignored as we ordered Coronas and drafts. Six heartfelt songs later, we were dished a bill of approximately $215, after only two beers or fewer apiece. Our jaws dropped, our wallets clenched, but who should step up to save the day but the man with the ginger ale, Hudson.
Embarrassed, duped and still culturally insensitive, we took off with our lives and allowances before the transgendered could rack up more dollars for our hollers.
Roy Howard-inspired lessons:
1. Never drink as much as your hostess asks.
2. A lap dance from a tranny is exactly what it sounds like.
3. When in the above case, avoid pronouns.
4. Speak softly and carry a big stick. Also, Hudson's get-out-of-jail credit card.
PS. Avoid cliches and salarymen like the plague!
-Natalia and Matt
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